Present: Existing or occurring now.
I naturally have a tendency to want to control things. People,, situations,, outcomes… Why do I do it? I feel it is because it makes me feel comfortable when I can,, to some degree,, force things to go my way. It makes it so I don’t have to question or worry about the future so much. Its almost like I am not content with not knowing how its gonna play out. If I know to some degree how it will roll I can “chill”. But to be honest this isn’t working for me any more. By me forcing things in my life things tend to back fire. People begin to resent me & I begin to resent them. I get comfortable with “knowing” the future & then when it doesn’t happen how I was expecting I’m extremely frustrated. So I have began a journey of doing the complete opposite. Not doing anything except for the best thing for me at this present moment. I see now that TRUTH ONLY LYES WITHIN THE PRESENT MOMENT.
I was using the wee in a lil cafe in Thailand. I was having a hard time getting the door open for the longest time. I was getting so frustrated at this stupid door! I let go of the handle,, took a deep breath & approached the door completely different. I gently guided the metal through the openings & it perfectly just opened. It seemed that the more force & pressure I used to open the door,, the more I felt like a fool for letting the door defeat me. I realized that letting the door be it’s simple yet complex self & me just loosening up & guiding it through was all I needed. I didn’t need the strength & force. It wasn’t necessary for all the rage & anger I gained while trying to leave the bathroom. It was just more of a negative pull on my part to force the thing & situation. It’s a simple story but taught me so much. Let go & let be. Let my truth & my flow attract the flows that are meant to come into my flow. JUST FLOW.
I have realized I have a lot of guards up when it comes to dating people. My past has taught me a lot but has also subconsciously built barriers & fears. I am currently breaking this belief systems down because I see that they are no longer serving me. I need to let go in order to get what I truly desire. Iv’e been feeling like I need answers now weather my boyfriend will workout or not in the long run. Im stressing my balls off trying to receive answers because “I don’t wanna waste time”,, because “Is he the one?” These worries are keeping me out of the present moment. It’s like I’m not allowing myself to enjoy the present moment. Im stuck in the future not even enjoying the NOW. Right now life is good. I feel happy with him & safe.. why am I trying to force answers that are so unknown right now? What makes me think that Ill ever know. It’s like by me trying to force answers,, Its attracting me to lose what I’m trying to force. See that paradox? By me trying to get a certain outcome it’s actually lowering my vibration & losing the things I love most along the way.
I am learning now the importance of getting to know myself. Know & understand my belief systems,, see where they stem from & determine if they serve a purpose for me. I’m learning to trust god,, trust flow & know that the only control I have is how deep I choose to breathe,, what I choose to eat,, what I choose to watch,, how I choose to spend my time & what thoughts & worries I choose to water. I choose now to focus on how I can raise my vibration now. Meditation has been a game changer. Working out has been a game changer. Journaling has been my biggest Therapist–I have the answers I just need to tap into me. I see now that were not supposed to know the biggest questions,, were supposed to enjoy the ride to one day discovering the answers. But for now I smile,, I listen to groovy music & do some yoga. THE TRUTH IS NOW. Peace & chi beautiful ones.